My dad told me about this Joseph Cotten/Ginger Rogers film entitled I'll Be Seeing You. I didn't know there was a movie by that title, but I know of the song. He said that next time it airs on TCM to definitely watch it. "You'd like the movie," he said, "and I think you'd be able to relate to it."
Today it aired on TCM as part of their Star of the Month programming on Shirley Temple, who played a minor supporting role in this film. My dad was right. I could certainly relate to it, and I must've cried through about 75% of the movie.
I could relate to it on two levels. Joseph Cotten's (Zachary) battle with post-traumatic stress disorder (referred to as "battle fatigue") and Ginger Roger's (Mary) guarded secret about her "criminal" past.
Zachary's internal battle with PTSD was well portrayed in this film. There are constant reminders (triggers) that cause a major episode. In this film, it was anxiety attacks. That's generally what I suffer when I have flashbacks or reminders. You try to runaway from the reminder; it's that need to feel safe and secure. You suffer a rapid heart rate, heavy breathing, sweating; all depicted in this film. All the while, you're trying to calm yourself with that soothing internal voice. As you learn to adjust, and with treatment, there are fewer attacks. Then there are times when you encounter a reminder and you face it head on. There are still triggers around me, but for the most part, it's just a heightened awareness before dismissing it. Once in awhile I'll awake in a panic from a night terror, but it goes away when I adjust to my surroundings. My worst attack was this past January (2015) that required hospitalization. It helped that my parents and my co-workers helped me through it. It happens sometimes. What you need most is a support network to get you through it.
I think what made it most emotional for me was the similarities in the crimes of which Mary and I were accused and the subsequent support by family and friends. If it wasn't for my family and friends, I don't know how I would be emotionally. They really helped me through the ordeal during the pre-trial phase, during my time in jail, my probation period, and now as a completely free woman whose record has been cleared.
In the film, Mary had been convicted of involuntary manslaughter. The charge is serious on paper, but when you learn the circumstances of the case, you realize it was just self-defense against an attempted rape. I could only imagine what a woman at the time would go through during a rape (or attempted rape) investigation. Women's accusations have never been taken seriously especially when the rapist is a known associate. My "crime" was never reporting my own rape. My "crime" was keeping it to myself and allowing this rapist to continue harassing me and blackmailing me out of thousands of dollars over a two year period. Then I finally snapped and kicked a dent in his car when he stated, "I'll come after you. I always do." And that's what led to my accusation. I was raped by a male two months shy of his 18th birthday; I was thus charged with unlawful sex. Simply because I failed to report the assault two years earlier.
Mary served 3 years state prison. I only served 3 months county jail. The day I was released (on Independence Day 2010), my family (parents, brother, aunts/uncles, cousins) all rallied around me in support. My friends called me letting me know that they still love me and support me. When I moved back to San Francisco I had the support of my friends both old and new. Everyone knows my history and they've still accepted me knowing that I was truly the victim in my case. In the film, Mary was welcomed with open arms during her furlough from prison. During her time, she met and fell in love with Zachary, though she kept this secret from him.
I couldn't help but think of Demian as I was watching this film. He knew about my background from the moment we met. I felt he needed to know if he wanted to pursue a relationship with me. It hadn't mattered to him. He still loved me and promised that he would never hurt me. But he did. What hurt most was his leaving me at the urging of his sister. After convincing me that he was in it for the long run that he would never leave me, he did just that. He left me.
The most poignant moment in the film was the final minutes. It was also when I cried buckets. I missed Demian. If only he had the courage to stop listening to those who succeeded in breaking us apart.
Films are definitely a reflection of the human condition. It also helps understand each other in the most devastating of circumstances.
Demian Griffitts